The past month, since I had gotten dehydrated the last of June, has been dull. I got in a rut where I didn't do much but sleep and fix a stubborn lawn mower. For two weeks my back has hurt when bending a certain way. It is getting better but slowly.
What's got me down is finding I have worthless college degrees. I am having to confront my weaknesses. I find more and more that I am too impulsive and emotional to function as I should on the job. I'm also seeing that everything is the same old same old. Finally I waste time and then get mad about it. Why do I do these things to myself. Oh and I dropped a Java course partly because I would come home too sleepy to study.
Maybe I'm in an orgy of self-hate and that's why I am beating myself up. I think I am lazy- and I probably am. It's also easy to be cynical of others when you don't go to church very often (that is, once every two years) and don't socialize with but a token few people. Every time I go to the Wal-Mart on the northwest side of Warner Robins I walk away mad at my exposure to humanity.
I have a tooth hurting me when exposed to cold food. I have a feeling it needs a root canal so I don't want to spend too much money too soon. The same goes for some redneck passing by in a big-wheeled pickup and flinging rocks at my windshield- possibly from his big treads or the bed of his vehicle. Safelite will love me.
Now I need to go back to bed. I woke up at 3:45AM and now it's 5:25AM. I have a feeling that my sleep is being violated. All I wanted to do when I got up is brush my teeth and look up Boone's Farm. I thought about drinking a little bit of it one night while on vacation. This may mean a trip to a slummy liquor store and sleeping through breakfast and beach time. It also means working with an unpredictable drug- which alcohol is. I've had a soft spot for Boone's farm since I saw a picture my sister drew and since I listened to a Kenny Chesney song.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
