Blog Reorganization

26 Dec 07

I have been thinking about revamping my blogs. I will add a blog which doesn't deal too much in personal issues and may not deal in politics so much. I want this one to be for everyone. I had contaminated this blog with personal nonsense and I want to create another blog and retitle it something catchy. Supposedly I have a secret blog but I rarely go there. You will be kept posted.

This Christmas was wonderful considering what has happened to us this year. I am having to adjust to new realities since I have gotten older and that isn't too much fun either.

The first celebration of Christmas was Sunday. My niece, nephew, nephew's wife and niece's kid came with my sister to swap presents. We had roast. It was good. I gave my niece an Itunes card, my nephew and his wife a Subway gift card, my great nephew a Pirates of the Carribean treasure chest. I got a desk calendar with cat cartoons.

Monday I worked until 2PM. The boss stopped in and brought donuts and a jug of coffee. Somehow I didn't hog the donuts. After work I went to the auto parts place to get the battery out of my car tested. Surprisingly it took them longer than it did the NAPA place down the street. My sisters were scrapbooking except for one who was cooking. She was aggravated from being the Lone Ranger of the kitchen. I helped her then had two hot dogs. I learned the art of slawmaking. Don't use the blender and fill it with water; the water does not create enough centrifugal force against the pieces of cabbage. We had to work fast on both scrapbooks and dinner before my aunt came.

I went to the auto parts place and picked up the dear departed battery. I went to Food Lion and got sugar (ours was solidified) and a big bag of ice. I had to go to Kroger to get the gingerbread mix. We had for years a family tradition where Dad would cook us gingerbread and make the sauce in a pan, usually the one which had been banged around in the kitchen since I can remember. I came home and helped create scrapbooks for my cousins.

The main course was barbecue and baked beans along with chips and canned cokes (no bottled Cokes were available). We had Coca Cola Cake and Dixie Bars (Dixie Bars were from a recipe on the side of a sugar bag from Dixie Crystals hence the name).

My aunt and uncle from around the corner came along with my cousin from Florida, her husband, and their gargantuan son. Not that he is fat but he is quite a big man. I gave my aunt and uncle a USB hub for their PC. I think at some point I will upgrade their PC to Windows 2000 but they don't know that. I received a set of John Cleese DVDs. For some odd reason I could not get to bed that night.

I woke up at 12:30 PM on Christmas Day since the others chose to sleep late. It seemed like a very condensed Christmas celebration. The givers of the gifts gave each family member their gifts to them. I gave Mom a towel, a calendar, and a cup with old pictures of her inserted into the cup shell. My youngest sister got a scrapbook calendar, The oldest sister got measuring spoons and a calendar and crossword puzzle book, the middle sister got a Diabetes Crockpot cookbook, and when my uncle came he got a DVD collection of John Wayne B-grade movies and a selection of Inner Sanctum old radio episodes on CD. I went to bed for a little while.


I received Season 3 of "Emergency!" on DVD from Rosemary. Mom gave me a white dress shirt and Ruth gave me an Eddie Bauer sweater (green).

We had ham for lunch prior to doing the present swap. My sister made mashed potatoes and we had lima beans. My uncle came and he gave me a "Politically Incorrect Guide to American History". He actually has read David Limbaugh's book and finds it very factual. Perhaps we are more conservative than we think. We had the ham for dinner.

Christmas Albums from retailers

I have been digitizing some albums my parents bought over the years. I ripped them to MP3 and put them on CD. One is a 1972 album from Grant's Stores (we had one in Warner Robins) and another was from JCPenney in 1973. Penney's is on the nice part of Libertycounsel.org's list of those retailers who do or don't mention Christmas in their marketing. But don't look for too many retailers' Christmas compilations.

I bought a compilation off Ebay that we had discarded years ago. The album was sold by Goodyear stores in 1967 and was stamped by Columbia Special Projects. This compilation of various artists was called, "The Great Songs of Christmas" and features, in a round robin, several singers including Robert Goulet and a young John Davidson.

Featured twice on the record is the folk group The New Christy Minstrels. Mind you this is a politically incorrect name but none of the members wore blackface and in fact longtime member Barry McGuire sung the 1965 protest hit, "Eve of Destruction".

I guess it's a way of honoring my childhood- and my Dad. I see so much wrong with the present that I have to reach to the past. It's only going to corkscrew myself further into a depressed state. I come home tired from work and oversleep. I feel angry at myself because I don't listen to people, am impatient, am not nice to people as I used to be, and need to go to work on finding another job.

But I'll still listen to those old records. I mean, CD's.

Had Enough

11/22/07
I've had enough of being in a rut. The ads with the pretty women in their sweaters for Christmas reminded me of how the slick sales circulars passed through my hands and wished I had a girl like one of them. I royally messed up for years and years and it never happened. I didn't find anyone to date and they didn't find me.

Oh, some girls wanted to know more about me but I had unrealistic expectations of whom I was looking for. I also had family members who were quite frankly an embarrassment. I didn't know how to dress and I worked at a job that was a turn-off to most females. I didn't make a trip to a good doctor to put me on meds to take care of my issues. I didn't ask anyone about how to improve myself- and I don't mean my parents. They either didn't know how or they liked me the way I was.

Not any more.

It's more than dating where I fall behind. That's just a symptom of what the medical people say I have; anxiety and depression. Ask the insurance company. I should be making decent money- half again what I make. I should be more fun and intersting. I shouldn't get upset about little things or stay in a constant state of anxiety. I shouldn't dream like a twelve year-old dreams- about being a big hero, a soldier, or anything else.

I have gained several powerful weapons in which to destroy the bad part of myself. I am on medications to ease the more undesirable parts of me. I have gotten older, wiser, and more independent though some of what has gone on recently should have taken place twenty years ago. Now I will work on even more life changes. I can't tell you about the most important of them because this blog is read by others. I will give you a hint; it's challenging and rewarding and I now realize that challenges are what it takes to get rewards.

North Georgia and Hot Cars

10/28/07
I left work and headed to North Georgia. I went to the Five Guys hamburger restaurant. Their fries are awesome and so are their hamburgers. This was on Tom Hill Sr. Blvd so there were a few yuppies. There are a few still left to shop on that side of town though Tom Hill is slowly deteriorating.

I got coffee at Dunkin Donuts and gas in Forsyth. I went up 675 and 285 but didn't bother to find out if Interstate 985 were off 285 or 85. I missed the 85 turn so I headed up 53 to Dawsonville.

Before I got to GA 53 the truck got hot again so I turned on the heater and rolled down the windows. I thought this problem had cured itself but I guess I'm no mechanic. I got gas and went to a nearby Kroger in Dawsonville off 19. I put a little drinking water into the reservoir in a desperate attempt to solve this issue. Of course it didn't work but I was too stubborn to realize this. The reservoir fluid was murky. I still think it is a bad thermostat.

I should have stayed in a motel in Dawsonville but instead decided to mosey over to Dahlonega. There were no vacancies at the motels because of some special occasion and what one desk clerk told me were three weddings. So I know how Mary and Joseph felt.

I went to Cleveland and saw nothing but the Gateway Inn. The Best Western in Gainesville had nothing but the Days Inn had a room. It was 3 AM and I wasn't too concerned about the need for renovating the room.

I was very hungry and thirsty by the time I hit Ma Gooch's in Cleveland. It is to me a mandatory pilgrimage as their chicken is excellent. And I mean chicken! They must raid the henhouses at Gainesville for their little birdies. Never will I say "I'll eat it all". This isn't 1981 when I could eat up the Hardees on Pio Nono every morning. I went to Blairsville and stopped on the way at Helton Falls.

There is a one-lane road which is paved for approximately a mile before reaching the Forest Service's unpaved path to the falls. These falls led people in the Seventies to try and scale them with deadly consequences. The man whom my dad worked with ran the Neels Gap trading post in the Seventies and told us the GDOT ripped the pullover for the falls as a consequence.

Helton Falls was so beautiful! The short-needled pines and the leaves in their halfway transition from green to bright colors made it even prettier. The rocks were polished by the aqueous buffing of time and I loved the water! It was cold and one puddle was deep enough for someone to bathe in.

I went to the Sorghum Festival's last weekend. A guy named Nix played bluegrass music behind the civic center in a Fort Sorghum compound. A rusty sorghum press with its white female mule was no longer needed to squeeze the half-grassy, half-cane looking weeds for their tart, sweet sugar. I bought two small bottles and one large bottle of syrup. I am sure this was the only real sweetener available for years to the mountain residents near Union County until trucks could bring sugar and make it affordable to all. I know of no other area in Georgia or below Kentucky which grows a sorghum crop.

The time came to leave and fight off the overheating truck (the light came on, the needle moved to the extreme, and the truck ran a little sluggisly so I can't conclude little else). I was the only nut on the road with the heater on and the windows rolled down.

It bothers me that I don't have but a few people to speak to. Maybe it's that I am a happy batchelor and everyone else is married. I have hangups that preclude me from doing so much with people and everyone my age is busy doing whatever they do. I try to network with people on the net but it isn't helping. I need something to help me out of this rut I am in.

Fair Time

Here it is October and I am going to the fair tomorrow if the weather is good. I might go anyway. This time it should go better. I had a date get mad and leave me there. I want to go to church first. It is a shame that the last time I went to church was at Dad's funeral a few months ago.

I might even ride that Tilt-a-Whirl ride even though it scared the heck out of me some thirty years ago. It can be a thrill to be scared as long as you don't sense total adversity.

I am off on Monday and will likely use it to either go day fishing or take care of business. For some reason I want to clean up the house and do tons of other things. Given that I will have to work the rest of the week I won't overexert myself. In another two weeks I'll take an additional day off to go to the mountains of North Georgia. There will be a Sorghum Festival and the Georgia Mountain Fair later this month. Oh and let's not forget the leaves.

I wish I could stop this narcolepsy. It may be lack of sleep and an improper sleep cycle but I want to give medication a shot. I cannot keep getting tired and having to pull over to go to sleep every time I go home.

Back Porch in a Month

I built a screened-in deck on a portion of the house. It seems Sam, the yellow fluffy male, doesn't do well with other cats. So to keep from having him go to the vet at 109.00 a pop for abscesses we had to do something.

I at first wanted to screen in a 4x6 stoop on the back of the den but concluded this would be tantamount to caging him. I talked my sisters into letting me put a covered and screened deck between my mom's room and the central part of the house. Sam would gain 18 square feet of space and we could sit in it despite his litter box revealing its presence. From September 1 until the 26th my sister and I worked on the porch. I am disappointed that the roof panels are off kilter yet that cannot be helped. Other than insect-proofing it I can say the facility is complete.

I might even sleep in it some night when the weather isn't nippy.

Old Ambulance Picture I'm Colorizing

I found this picture in the newspaper of an old ambulance The Medical Center operated in the early Seventies. They used Chevy SUV's with a shell on top. They were painted orange though the color I chose was louder than what MCCG painted theirs. The 1973 article showed a bus accident simulation which took place on the busiest side road in Macon come the end of the school day.

Hangin' in there

Hello
My father died in his sleep at home on June 23, 2007. He had been discharged from the hospital the night before at 11:30. I wish that I knew the end was imminent but thought he'd last weeks or months. I could have given him more of a goodbye. At least I told him I loved him when he was in the hospital. He was to get home health care and perhaps hospice. He had congestive heart failure, perhaps kidney failure, and only 10% heart effectiveness upon admission to the hospital the previous weekend.

There was nothing anyone could do to reverse his dying process. I went to the hospital to room 508 that night. He was conscious and alert though very weak and unable to drink, eat, or urinate. The hospital would let him out only if he could urinate. He had little fluid in his bladder scan and the nurse and tech did an in/out Foley catheterization. His pulse ox was zero despite using two sensor modules, two readers, and an earpiece. His radial pulse was very weak. The nurse called the doctor and thought he were having an anxiety attack. They had to give him oxygen in a nasal cannula before he was strong enough to go much of anywhere. In fact, as he left the hospital he was so weak it took three of us to barely get him out of my sister's red SUV and into the transport wheelchair.

I decided to lay in the hospital bed so I could be near her. Dad wanted to sleep in the regular bed. He I guess knew he were dying. Mom had to page me two or three times. One time he was inverted in bed with his head at the foot. Then Mom paged me to ask if a cat were in the room. Smokey, the female kitty, snores loudly sometimes. My mother wonders if it were Dad having agonal breathing or some other dyspnea instead of Smokey's snoring.

I managed to hold my composure though I was shaken when I found him dead. He had apparently been dead a few hours as rigor had set in. I had had courses in CPR and First Responder but they didn't prepare me for much of how to deal with a dead father. I did have sense enough to treat the room as a "crime" scene and ordered it untouched until authorities came. I called the sheriff. My mother asked to be helped into my bedroom. My youngest sister came in right after I got off the phone with the dispatcher.

My dad's brother came about the same time the firefighters did and so did my middle sister. She was in tears. My aunt and uncle around the corner came. The firefighters, then the paramedic and her partner the EMT examined my father, ran a strip, and the paramedic called the coroner. The firefighters as well as the deputies were nice though they had to maintain a distance.

The rest of the morning I was more into the "let's do what we have to do" mood. I cut the grass and washed up while my aunt worked so much in the kitchen her feet swelled. I called my cousins, the doctor, my friend, the store I work at, and a multitude of others. The worst I felt that day was when I was tired during the middle of the afternoon. Most people came to the visitation. Dad's silver casket was beautiful. I enjoyed meeting the people from Dad's store and the main offices of the company. Monday's funeral was a graveside affair with dinner in the church meeting hall. I cried the next night and the night of the funeral.

I almost lost it in Starbuck's that Tuesday. I told myself not to think about things and to just relax. I am sure if I think about Dad and my childhood I'll cry again. I was on vacation that weekend and Monday but I took Tuesday and Wednesday off to get situated and make sure I didn't crumble under at work. The worst part is the half-empty house. Most of us want to get our feet back under ourselves.

The store my dad ran had a sign saying, "We Miss You". It was my dad's second home for almost twenty years. If you never knew him you missed something.
Edited 10/7/07

Sinclair Trip

On 04/28 I left work and went to Sinclair at the national park. I stopped near Blountsville to sleep because I was tired. I went down the road to Miller's Lake and slept. I woke up and perhaps too soon I started driving. I felt weird when I went down 129 to the bait shop. I got bait and gas then drove on. I put 20.00 in the envelope at the gate. I looked around for a campsite then pulled in.

I set up my tent and rolled out the air mattress. I forgot the plug to hold the air in! I would attend to this later. I put my gear in the tent and gathered firewood. The advantage to spring is that leaves and twigs have fallen and haven't been harvested by other campers.

The older man in the camper near Lot 40 D is neat. He is the caretaker/host for the complex. It keeps him alive to do his work there though I feel bad for him. I probably should see if USFS needs volunteers to work at the sites. I am weak on customer service and security but my nice complex might be a godsend in this case. I went to bed at 12 or so. Rule is that you go to bed at nightfall or shortly thereafter because the only lighting there is God-given. Coleman only lasts so long.

I woke up to go to the restroom at 6:50 and saw some guys sitting and talking and having coffee in the lot two paths down. I felt lazy; these people are on break and getting up early because they still think they have to go to work. I resolved to see if I could get up at 7 or 8AM from now on. For this morning I decided to get some more shuteye.

I woke up at 10 AM and had an el cheapo Hostess apple pie and some MRE instant coffee. I did a poor job even in a hurry when I made sure I had everything. I had forgotten the plug, the coffee, and the tin foil to avoid pine tar smudging on the cookware.

I sniffed out a fishing spot between the pier and the next campsite along the shore of D loop. It had overhanging branches and a brush bed which made for lost fishing floats. Three floats were lost in my failed attempt to catch fish. I was so frustrated that I thought about packing up and cancelling my vacation. I also felt a little lonely and worried about my Mom and Dad. Time made me feel better. It didn't make me hungry.

I put up my fishing gear and drove over to the Twin Bridges Trail entrance on A loop. I went to the restroom on A loop and found that they were actually flush toilets! They didn't have sinks but I was grateful for what I had. The trail was 1 4/5 miles according to the sign. I thought I'd have enough Pepsi in the bottle to sustain me.

I walked and walked and the first part of the trail was overflow from the lake. I saw the sand. Three or more bends were close to the shore and before too long I saw across the lake where there were private houses. Did I go too far? The white spots on the trees and the oddly-spaced brown 4x4 posts with the numbers said no.


I kept going and hoped I wouldn't get back after dusk. I never was that good with calculating distance and time. The stacks of Plant Branch were visible as I got close to the shoreline once again. I saw more footbridges and thought I was looping back but the path was unfamiliar. I kept going out of curiosity and found this parking area. I found out it was a hunting camp. The trail marker on the cosmolite post said 119. I made it to the end! Now I need to make it back.

I needed to rest but still had plenty of oomph. I wanted to see if there was a sign for this strange area with the trash and burnt out campfires. An old Dodge car and trailer, with little sign of recent occupancy, was parked to the side. Since I saw no sign close by- and only a signboard with nothing on it- I decided to expend my energy to return.

I improvised a pace counter and turned on my stopwatch feature on my Wal-Mart watch. The pace counter is used by the Army, probably to make sure the troops dont' waste time walking too far as they get confused in the repetition. I took a tree branch and counted 13 leaves. For every 1000 feet, or 335 paces, I would rip a leaf off. I removed nine. I timed myself at 45 minutes. I walked more slowly on the return trip.

I found bugs crawling on my pants! They looked like little crabs. I decided to wash my pants and other clothing. The caretaker told me the shower was down at the D restroom so I went to the B shower. The B loop is closed but the restroom is still operational (sink has no water due to a glitch). I showered my clothing and myself myself. After stretching some paracord across two trees I hung the clothes to dry. For dinner at 6:00 I had beef stew from an MRE and the good portions of a veggie burger MRE.

I went fishing at the pier. There were only two campers besides me as the weekend was going away. The campers nearest the pier were gone. I had to watch where I went since the pier was only three feet wide. I caught a normal catfish and a bullhead-type catfish. I caught another catfish that was very small but threw it back. The fishing went sour after dusk and when it got cooler. Come 11:30 I had to throw the two fishies back. They still made a croaking sound as they gasped for air so that was a relatively good sign. The normal fish I could not easily remove from the snap of the chain stringer. I forgot to include pliers in the fishing kit. That will teach me to inspect my gear before embarking. So I had to avoid the fish spiking me with its dorsal fin and remove the snap. It went through his skull but wasn't lethal.

I went to beddy bye and woke up at 10:00 because I was too lazy to set my watch. I thought I could nagically wake myself. The gear went back in the truck and I drove off to Eatonton, stopping at the Huddle House to eat. I went to the old part of town and took pictures of the old grammar school (now an art center)and the house where the 10k starts. I ran it in 1987. Running makes people feel so good about themselves. I was sick as a dog and my tummy hurt that day but I loved running that race. Maybe I will run it again next year but I seemed to say something like that several years ago.

I took pictures of the old bridge on Old Macon Circle. Would you believe UGA students traveled down this road prior to the erection of the present bridge in 1967? I saw the ends of the bridge were widened 6' on each side. This must've been in the days of one-lane bridges where one side got the right of way (remember "Ode to Billy Joe"?)

I got home and emptied the litter pan. I was miffed when Dad went to the bathroom. I wanted to decontaminate but realized Dad couldn't help it- he had to go. He hasn't been taking his constipation meds or eating right nor has he engaged in activity to strenghten him. This week he has been feeling better nonetheless.

I work the next five days. I hate to see the store not make money but I enjoy the quiet pace of summer at the store.

"Ghetto" meals for the cheap

03/31/07
I am doing a little better but for lack of sleep. I don't see how I can come home tired and keep on going sometimes but it does happen. Today wasn't one of those days. My mom seems to be getting a little weaker while Dad is gaining strength.

Our outbound service contractor is trying to save money on meals. He doesn't have a lot of money. My cash is not where I'd want it to be and I want to gain a "profit" on what I take home per month vs. what I spend in checking.

Thus I am looking to see what the cheapest meals are that are 1) edible 2) not "junk" food. The contractor eats Ramen noodles and sometimes spaghetti in a can. Somehow I feel like I am eating slop when I eat those. So I am searching for a good meal and a cheap one.

McDonald's, Wendy's and Burger King (breakfast only) have items for a dollar or so. The potato and the salad from Wendy's are best for your body. Be careful of fast food joints as a rule. You spend 3 times as much to get an inferior meal- or one no better than if you eat a 3 oz portion of meat, a carbo, veggie, and fruit. Just be sure what you eat doesn't constipate you or shoot your blood sugar through the roof only to leave you hungrier.

I advise cereals, even dry ones, for snacks or breakfast. Make your own coffee and don't drink that fancy creosote at Starbuck's (Creosote was used to treat fenceposts before it was found to be cancerous). You may want to have a dessert but be sure it has fruit or fiber in it. If you must have a meaty breakfast make some biscuits and sausage and freeze a two-week supply.

Fruit is good if you can eat what you buy this week by the next week. Soup, combined with a veggie or bread, has been a staple of good eating for years. Today there are fancier soups tasting better than the older smaller cans our parents knew. For lunch consider a whole-wheat bread with sliced meat on it. If you want a warm meal look at frozen dinners or just make your own burgers. Heck you can even grill outside and freeze some beef patties or drumsticks. Bake your own goodies and freeze them- but be smart. Not always will you want to eat in.

At the grocery store look carefully on the main "side" counters at the store because the idea of featured items (that aren't discounted) is to make the store money and make you poorer. I have heard of wonderful deals even at Walgreen's. Just don't single source but dont' drive around town wasting gas to save a dime.

Oh and get store brands and experiment with them as some are better than others and some use low-grade components (but not all). If you aren't a soft drink snob you can save a mint on store brands. However Kool-Aid has the powdered drink down to an art. Make your own tea and bring it. If you get fruit juice get it frozen; don't pay extra if freshness isn't your priority. Wholesale clubs and "odd lots" stores don't always promise savings so don't make them the single source for everything. I'll let you in on a trick; get a sale paper for the week and if you see a good deal on something circle it and take it with you. My mom used to do that.

Menu:
Breakfast: Frozen sausage biscuit or frosted wheat squares. Don't rule out oatmeal but don't get it in bulk. Fruit is optional. Your own coffee.

Lunch: Soup and cornbread with a fruit or a side salad. Or substitute a sandwich and potato chips you bought in bulk. Your own tea.

Snack: Peanuts, peanut butter/crackers you made from scratch or bought in packs, or a fruit. Avoid Twinkies or candy bars unless you bought a box of them beforehand. If you don't eat candy that often don't buy in bulk.

Dinner: See lunch or make chicken/dressing with creme chicken soup gravy. A vegetable or fruit cup is more than welcome. Chips and two hot dogs (not too often; the buns aren't whole wheat and weiners have salt and grease). If you must eat out consider the dollar items I mentioned.

Very cheap meals: Soups, oatmeal, ramen, fruit cups, sliced ham sandwiches on whole wheat, and diet drink powder mixes. Rule; avoid constipation, high sugar content, and heavy salt or grease.

Dad's CHF

03/15/07

Dad is requiring more and more care. Three weeks ago 02/22 Thursday My sister called me and said Dad had not only been short of breath but his speech seemed slurred. and I called my dad. Then I called the doctor. He wondered if it were CHF. I told him of the slurred speech and that I'd double check with Mom and my sister.

I told Dad when I called him that I wanted to talk to Mom. She confirmed his slurred speech which I didn't pick up on over the phone. I talked to my sister and she said the heart doctor said it wasn't CHF. I called back the doctor and he advised me to get him to the ER. He later advised I call an ambulance so that he could get to treatment faster.

I called the seven-digit number since it was not a life-threatening emergency and that the 911 Center in Bibb County was a joke (I emailed Joe Allen of the County Commission about the 911 Center but to no avail). The dispatcher was on the phone while my sister rang my cell phone. I had EMS on the phone while the cell phone was in another ear. I told her I had to call back.

Mom called me back and I told her EMS was on the way. The doctor called me and I told him EMS was on the way to pick up Dad. They even sent a fire engine as first responders as per protocol.

I went to the Medical Center emergency room and waited until they got Dad settled into a treatment room/bed in the EC. After an hour or so the nurse told me CHF and pneumonia was suspected.

I went to grab a snack and I was in McDonald's when my sister called. She told me to high-tail it home and sit tight until she and my other sister arrived.

The next day I got scared. One of my sisters told me that the BNP (a peptide count associated with CHF) was 5000+ from what she heard of a nurse talking about Dad. She looked it up and said it was associated with low life expectancy. My oldest sister told me that he might last a year or two but then reversed herself. She's the sister who tends to be argumentative and not wrong all the time.

I felt upset not so much that my dreams of living in a better place away from Macon were evaporating. It hurt to see such a seemingly indestructible man as my dad go downhill. I disliked that I was still living at home years after finishing four let alone six years of college. I had personal issues such as depression, anxiety, and not really being allowed to grow up. Yet I blamed my self for my predicament.

Don't get the idea that I would have rather looked out for myself than my parents. I swore to dedicate myself to helping them when in need. I just hated they haven't seen me succeed out of the cocoon.

They drained 750cc (3/4 liter) from Dad's thorax and his BNP went down to 2500 or so. It was at 1999 on 03/07. He still has trouble sleeping especially with being constipated. He is slowly gaining weight- slowly as he cannot have salt and very much sugar. His sugar was around 140 at the doctor's office on 03/07.

Meanwhile I have resorted to a new antidepressant- or I should say I did resort to it. I found it made me drowsy. Yesterday was Wednesday and since I had to make trips to the bathroom and to help my parents- not to mention while drugged- I slept and woke and slept and woke most of the day.

My big goal is to figure out how to make myself as much of what my parents want as I can but to balance personal goals. Mostly it is of action not planning.

Repeat post on Houston Mall

<>Picture is of Houston Mall in 1976
Hello
I went to the Houston Mall again. I was rehab shopping for my mother. No, not THAT kind of rehab; she is becoming less and less mobile with her disease.

Even at 3:30 PM the mall is dead. Evelyn's, the dress shop that was too stubborn to leave, is no more. A third of the mall is rented by the Houston Medical Center. This is not a bad idea if the $/sqft sales are high even for spending money on medical procedures. But HMC isn't the Mayo Clinic or Cook County Hospital in Chicago.

The northeast entrance is no more. Home Decor resides in it, the small stores along the way, and in two or more old stores possibly carved out of WT Grant's. I remember when my sis and I went to Grant's and bought a small globe. This was on a Sunday. Eckerd's is a billing center for HMC and the southeast corridor has Warner Robins Municipal Court and a probation office. A nail place and beauty supply replaced stores near where the old record store and Burton's shoes once thrived. I forgot there was a southeast wing to the mall. It has a few of HMC's storefront facilities.

Were I HMC and if no expansion were already planned for the hospital I'd buy the mall and revamp it. Then I would rent it out. Hospitals likely find themselves hurting to make a profit and though Houston Medical Center doesn't have indigents bleeding them dry it remains a neat idea.

Management needs to market the mall as an office center and fill the hallway with another row of offices. Perhaps they can bulldoze all but the east and west anchors and make a strip mall. Westgate did this but their mistake was remaining commercial in a deteriorating neighborhood.

Cree

Hello
Christmas went ok other than Mom falling the previous Tuesday and having an eternal nosebleed. Her lip was lacerated in a few places. The nosebleed stopped enough for us to take her to the Coliseum Medical Centers ER. We had to go back on Christmas Eve since 12:45 saw her nose bleed again. We would stop it on and off and this went on until 7AM. We hustled her back to the ER again and the doctor had Afrin sprayed in it as a vasoconstrictor. I held Mom's nose for 15 minutes. It stopped. She coughed up a nice big blood clot on the way home. Mom's nose bled again Christmas morning but I sprayed Afrin and held it for 15 minutes. This did the trick and stopped the bleeding; she coughed up Clotzilla.

I felt like I was in a fog and felt a little discouraged and depressed. It seemed everything I was working for as far as work and pleasure was going down the drain. I knew the day would come for me to take care of Mom and Dad but I felt it came so soon- too soon for me to reach my goals. It can't be anyone's fault but mine that I didn't achieve them. I have no objection to taking care of Mom and Dad though the do things sometimes to make it hard on themselves. Mom doesn't want to make sacrifices and Dad is unwilling to straighten out his sleep cycle. I would be miserable if I moved too far from them that is for sure.

I learned a new word Thursday. My boss at the store had difficulty understanding a person on the phone. This is understandable as even in the past three months our demographic has deteriorated at the store. A rinky-dink Mexican grocery set up next to us and we have a new landlord.

Anyway one of the words my boss had trouble understanding was the word "cree". It is an African-American corruption of the word "three". This is common in rural areas. We had a good time with that one.

I am still coming in late for work more often than not but the delays are less. I want to be goal compliant by January 31 with my annual resolutions. I promised I'd do a regular job search, be punctual, and embark on a diet and exercise program. I promised that I would subject Mom to an exercise regimen. I am exercising two or three times per week and doing walking once every week. This is half the number of days per week I need to do this.

I dislike making and breaking promises and seeing my life deteriorate.